I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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