Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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