Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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