Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
