I just cut my nipple shaving
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
