what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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You. Win. At. Life.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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