Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
