i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
