It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
