how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
