My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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