Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
