Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
