Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize