She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize