Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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