a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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