I need to stop coming to work sober
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
