OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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