Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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