He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
