just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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