I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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