Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
