Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
