I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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