Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
