Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
