see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
