I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
