So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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