Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
