So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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