I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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