I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
