You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
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I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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