I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
