Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
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2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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