Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
