Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Sorry about my life...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
