I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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