Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
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That was an excessively violent trivia night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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