I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
