I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
