it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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