the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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