am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
