you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
