I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize