she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
