my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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