If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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