I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
