Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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