Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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