i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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