You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
