Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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