those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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