he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize