there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
