last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
