I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
