i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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