im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
