It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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