I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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