the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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