why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
