Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
