I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
