She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I believe in your delicious
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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