Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
