I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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