we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
