At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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