At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
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He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
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stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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