it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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